The Stories I Tell Myself
Firstly, it’s quite evident that I’m not a blogger.
I say this because it’s been nearly a year and a half since my last post, and because I believe that a blogger is someone who writes nearly daily and perhaps primarily for others to read.
That said, I am a storyteller… I tell myself stories all the time.
In my earlier days, I was often not conscious of those stories… those patterns that shaped my life and ran in the background like computer code.
Today, after years of meditation and introspection, I’m usually quick to pick up on damaging narratives before they do too much harm.
What prompted me to start writing today, after a highly productive afternoon of webpage-crafting, was reminding myself to be proactive about the stories I tell myself… to be an author as well as a character.
So, let’s start with a review of what stories I have been telling myself lately, and then let’s see where any edits may be of use:
I am on an adventure
I am rebuilding my finances
I have good relationships with my family
I am treating my body well and improving my health and fitness
I help others with my spiritual counselings and psychic readings
Let’s stop there for a bit and dig in…
“I am on an adventure” references my recent move to North Carolina from California. Telling myself that it’s “an adventure” feels easier than making it a drastic life change (which it certainly is in many ways). Calling it “an adventure” feels playful and doesn’t carry time constraints or expectations. As I’ve said many times to friends (i.e. this is another story I tell myself and others), I’m in my Uranus Opposition of my mid-40s, so making the move felt like it was leaning into a transit that asked me to shake things up a bit.
“I am rebuilding my finances” is a story that I believe to be true and also very much hope is accurate! :-) For the last seven years, I semi-retired to relax, travel, make some mistakes, and to get back on my spiritual path. Only recently have I begun to build my spiritual business, which feels both important to me and like something that will continue to grow over time.
Lately I’ve also noticed that I would be comfortable using my consulting, business, and analytical skillsets again by working with others, as the ones I am using for my own business tend to lean into my spiritual, intuitive, and meditative sides.
[I’m reminded here that the last time I took Myers-Briggs I was ENFP but just one away each from ESTJ… and in the years since I have become more of an introvert, so maybe even that aspect has balanced.]
“I have good relationships with my family” is a story that I’m happy to be experiencing. A few years ago, I was able to heal a core picture (in this case an early-childhood, unconscious one) that kept me from building a meaningful, trusting relationship with my sister. I had always blamed her on some level for our dynamic, which kept me from owning my part. So, by doing my own internal work, I was able to start to show up in a way that opened the door for our interactions to change.
Perhaps why this story feels so good is that it required growth on my part. I had to work at this and do my part, and so having good relationships feels a bit like a reward. That said, relationships need nurturing and maintenance, and I’m happy to be in the space that I am to be able to continue to grow and improve these spaces.
“I am treating my body well and improving my health and fitness” is also true. After a few years of not exercising much and eating whatever comfort food got me through the pandemic, I found myself feeling unhappy with my body.
The difference between now and when I felt similar feelings before, is that I’m not trashing myself for this situation. Instead, I’m validating myself for the steps I am taking to get to where I feel better about the shape I’m in, and I’m patient with myself and the process. It took years to get here, and expecting it to change overnight is unrealistic and would set myself up for failure.
So, eating healthier, exercising more, getting good sleep, and continuing to work the energy and my feelings is all part of the process.
“I help others with my spiritual counselings and psychic readings” is a story that I both believe and in some way need to believe in order to continue doing what I’m doing. Spiritual readings and counselings require faith, since it is not a science. I cannot measure whether I helped someone or not by giving them a spiritual counseling or healing, or by sharing what I psychically see going on in their space.
However, I know that I read from a space of choosing to be helpful… a space of providing neutral information and perspective that is shared not as programming but as an offering and acknowledgement of another’s capacity to heal themselves. The prayer said before each reading is, “May it be with the blessings of the Supreme Being that whatever happens during this reading benefits each of us in our spiritual growth, awareness, and understanding.” This prayer is like a filter, and only that which is in alignment may enter or occur.
These are some of the current stories I am telling myself. Awareness of them allows me to bring them into present time and ensure that they are still aligned to my spiritual growth and path.
After having written this, I’m seeing this as a good topic for a future Mini-Workshop. :-)